real-ization.

i've realized i haven't writen anything for quite sometime.

i've realized it doesn't matter because no one reads it anyway. i don't even think many of my friends know i have a blogspot.

i've also realized i don't particularly care. i'll write what i want, when i want.

i've realized facebook, twitter, myspace, and even blogger have given people, including myself, the delusion that people are interested in every aspect of our lives. while i love that i can stay connected with my family and friends that i never see since i've moved 1,200 miles away.. i seriously doubt people care about my status updates, what i did today, how i am feeling about the weather.
And it's addicting. Not only do i check my facebook account several times a day, oh no that's not enough. i have text messages sent to my cell phone when i receive comments and messages. it's sick. But i'm not stopping. None of us are.

We have created a "Profile" of ourselves. Everything we are, what we like, where we go, what we do, who our friends are, everything is on our page. All the good things anyway. What makes us who we are is still a secret. The sadness, loneliness, rage, depression, sickness, it's all hidden.
We show ourselves the way we want to be seen. We're all smiles in the most flattering pictures. All the fun and happiness our life is. We project who we want to be, who we want others to think we are. We put "who we are" out there in the vastness of the Internet hoping we can find approval, someone to "like" our status, an ego boost.

It's a fantasy we live when it seems that we are so socially active. When we so publicly write how we feel, what we are doing at this exact moment, when in fact, we are talking to ourselves.